VOL 1547 - NOV 02, 2016 - The Unofficial Drivers Test/Quiz
Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:
Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?
Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"
Strange Regional Idiosyncrasies:
The attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is NOT ornamental. "DO NOT get out of your car"
What's the Difference Between California in 1850, AND Today?
California became a state. The State had no electricity. The State had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gun fights in the streets.
So basically, it was just like Californis is today except the women had real breasts and men didn't hold hands.
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
Today's Featured Humor : -) - The Unofficial Drivers Test/Quiz
The Unofficial Drivers Test
We've all seen it. People change when they get behind the wheel of a car.
So now, to profile your personality, here is the special Driving Test...
1: Which part of your car wears out most often?
a: the wiper blades
b: the belts
c: the horn
2: Automatic door locks are good for...
c: messing with the heads of people trying to get in
3: I hate the rain because...
a: it lowers visibility and makes for less safe conditions
b: I answered (a) to question #1
c: I just washed my car
4: Please select the statement that best describes you.
a: I have never written in the dust on someone's car
b: I have written "wash me" in the dust on someone's car
c: I have drawn genitalia in the dust on someone's car
5: The "bright" setting on your headlights is for...
a: dark, poorly lit roads
b: flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
6: I have enough power in my car stereo system to...
a: get it loud enough to drown out road noise
b: get it headbanging loud for my Metallica CD
c: cause permanent hearing loss to anyone within ten feet
7: How many times have you been pulled over for speeding in the last year?
a: zero or one, because I'm generally a safe driver
b: two or three, because I've had some unlucky breaks
c: before or after they took my license away?
8: What hand gesture do you use most while driving?
a: "go ahead"
b: "thank you"
9: When a bicyclist is next to you, you should...
a: be aware of them
b: speed up and get past them
c: open the door
10: Your rear view mirror is for...
a: watching for approaching cars
b: watching for approaching police cars
c: checking your hair
11: If you are driving and you begin to feel very sleepy, you should...
a: pull off to the side of the road and rest
b: stop at the next convenience mart and get a liter of coffee or Mountain Dew
c: drive faster
12: The Highway Patrol exists to...
a: ensure the safety of all motorists
b: issue as many tickets as possible
c: keep donut shops in business
13: You are supposed to signal a turn or lane change...
a: 50 feet prior
b: 25 feet prior
c: right after you do it
14: If I had a lot of money, I'd spend it on...
a: a minivan
b: a really cool sports car or 4-wheeler
15: The best thing about a chauffered limousine is...
a: I don't have to drive
b: I can stretch out, relax, and have a drink
c: leaning out the open sunroof and shouting at and/or flashing people
How to score the quiz:
Give yourself one point for every A, two for every B, and three for
every C. Tally up the points and consult the list below.
You're a good driver. You watch the speed limit, remain calm, and
observe not only the rules of the road, but also the etiquette. And
since you drive so safely and so politely, you'll live a long time.
Long enough to decelerate with each passing decade until you're one of
those old people in a big car, going ten miles under the speed limit
in the fast lane and pissing all the rest of us off.
Hey! Joe Average! You're a decent driver without being boring. You
get where you're going fast without too much danger. In fact, you're
the type of person we all like to ride with. Well, all of us except
your mother, because "you're going too fast! Watch out for that car
in front of you! You're going to kill us all!"
Remember in driver's education class when they told us to drive
defensively? You're the reason.
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