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VOL 1539 - OCT 05, 2016 - Strange Examples of "DoubleSpeak"

Twice weekly E-letter - StrangeCosmos.com - This Week's Feature:

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AUGUST FUN !


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Are you ready to review the Best Humor, Coolest Pix and Political Parody on the Internet?

Get ready to jump into something "Strange!"

http://www.strangecosmos.com/index.html

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Strange New Word Definitions:


Smile - A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Dictionary - The only place where divorce comes before marriage.

College - A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.

Yawn - The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Classic - A book which people praise, but do not read.

Marriage - It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master degree.

Experience - The name men give to their mistakes.

Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.

Atom Bomb - An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Strange Examples of "DoubleSpeak"

From the Quarterly Review of Doublespeak

A reader reports that when the patient died, the attending doctor recorded the following on the patient's chart: "Patient failed to fulfill his wellness potential."

Another doctor reports that in a recent issue of the American Journal of Family Practice fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."

The letter from the Air Force colonel in charge of safety said that rocket boosters weighing more than 300,000 pounds "have an explosive force upon surface impact that is sufficient to exceed the accepted overpressure threshhold of physiological damage for exposed personnel." In other words, if a 300,000-pound booster rocket falls on someone, he or she is not likely to survive.

A reader reports that the Army calls them "vertically deployed anti-personnel devices." You probably call them bombs.

At McClellan Air Force base in Sacramento, California, civilian mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status." That is, they were fired.

A personal ad from an unidentified mewspaper announces that a "formerly single man" seeks a single or married woman.

After taking the trip of a lifetime, our reader sent his twelve rolls of film to Kodak for developing (or "processing," as Kodak likes to call it) only to receive the following notice: "We must report that during the handling of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an unusual laboratory experience." The use of the passive is a particularly nice touch, don't you think? Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously sent him.

The description on the package of Stouffer's Veal Tortellini with Tomato Sauce says it contains "exquisite egg pasta." The list of ingredients, however, includes "cooked noodle product."

In St. Louis there is an oriental rug store that advertizes "semi-antique" rugs.

The Minnesota Board of Education voted to consider requiring all students to do some "volunteer work" as a prerequisite to high school graduation.

Senator Orrin Hatch said that "capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."

According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on December 22, 1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara run a "family farm." Their "farm" has 25,000 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year. But as a "family farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135 million a year.

Scott L. Pickard, spokesperson for the Massachusetts Department of Public Works, calls them "ground-mounted confirmatory route markers." You probably call them road signs, but then you don't work in a government agency.

It's not "elderly" or "senior citizens" anymore. Now it's "chronologically experienced citizens."

According to the FAA, the propeller blade didn't break off, it was just a case of "uncontained blade liberation."

Submitted by Jenny J.

Rec'd from Bill Kruse:

When a Professional Bull Rider suffered three cracked vertebrae and a broken collar bone after having been bucked an enraged 1,800 pound animal, the medical authorities attributed his injuries to "aggravated bovine ejection."
No joke!

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Most Popular - Parody - News - Pix

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HOW TO STOP THE GHETTO RIOTS - ONE EASY STEP! - http://www.strangepolitics.com/content/item/199487.html

TODAY'S MILLENNIALS - DEFINITELY NOT A GUN OWNER! - http://www.strangemilitary.com/content/item/199508.html

STRANGE MOVIES SECRETS - WIZARD OF OZ CAST HATED "DOROTHY" JUDY GARLAND - REFUSED TO TALK TO HER - http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/199516.html

STRANGE TWO TONE UANHU LAKE IN CHINA - HALF PINK - http://www.strangevacations.com/content/item/199518.html

POLICE FUN - GLAMOUR SHOTS AT THE COUNTY JAIL - WHAT A GREAT COUPLE! - http://www.strangefunvideos.com/content/item/199520.html

WHY I LOST MY JOB - CERAMIC TILE MAN IS TOO DUMB TO SET TILES PROPERLY! - http://www.strangebusiness.com/content/item/199521.html

OOL AERIAL SHOT PF ENGLAND COAST - VILLAGE AND FARMLAND - http://www.strangemedical.com/content/item/199522.html

TROOP TRANSPORT INSIDE BELLY OF HUGE CARGO PLANE - FIRST CLASS! - http://www.strangeamericans.com/content/item/199523.html

STRANGE BATHROOM PRODUCTS - SCARY CLOWN FACE ON BACK OF TOILET LID - THAT WILL SCARE THE SH..................... - http://www.strangetrucks.com/content/item/199525.html

ANIMAL DANGERS - DETERMINED SNAKE CONTINUES TO BITE BODY OF SNAKE THAT HAS ALMOST TOTALLY SWALLOWED IT! NEVER GIVE UP! - http://www.strangecollege.comcontent/item/199527.html

SCARY MILITARY MAP - RED DOT INDICATE ALL THE CAR BOMB IN BAGHDAD SINCE 2003 - IRAQ - http://www.strangedangers.com/content/item/199529.html

AMAZING CLASSIC CARS FROM THE PAST - 1951 BUGATTI GHIA EXNER TYPE 101 - http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/item/199524.html

FARM FUN - HUGE WATERMELONS - AS BIG AS A MAN! - http://www.strangefarmer.com/content/item/199528.html

STRANGE GARAGE SALE ITEMS - A FULL SIZE CASKET! - http://www.strangeblondes.com/content/item/199526.html

SAILING DANGERS - SAILBOAT NEXT TO SAILBOAT JUST INCHES FROM FLIPPING OVER - WILD ACTION GIF - http://www.strangesports.com/content/item/199530.html

INCREDIBLE HUGE MURAL ON SIDE OF HUGE GRAIN SILOS OF OLD FARMERS - http://www.strangetravel.com/content/item/199531.html

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The Featured Pix Category This Week - SV - RAILROAD TRAINS - LOCOMOTIVES - TRACKS - ACCIDENTS - ENGINEERS

http://www.strangevehicles.com/content/category/100637_1.html

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The Top News Articles & Humor for the Week

Politicians As Seen By REAL People - http://www.strangeracer.com/content/item/199467.html

ICE Illegally Scanning License Plates At Gun Shows! - http://www.strangegolf.com/content/item/199519.html

Top 10 Strangest Male Sports Stars - http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/content/item/153327.html

21 Dumbest Criminals of the 21st Century - http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/154553.html

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The Featured New Category This Week - Strange But True News, Quotes, Trends, Morons, etc

http://www.strangegolf.com/content/category/116_1.html

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